Sends them back at increased power
So you want to know about Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster eh? His tale is a tale that would make mighty men crumble, and lesser men soil themselves. Yes, his is a true tale of glory my friends, so sit back and enjoy!
Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster was in 1749. He was not born or created, he just was. Some say he sprang from a rusty grease fire, others believe he flew out of a whiskey factory that exploded in the northern states. However he came to be, it was in 1749 that it happened. He appeared to be about 30 in age, though centuries of life have done little to wear down his perfectly chiseled jaw and manly physique.
In 1775 Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster found himself face to face with the Brits in a small town called Lexington. Though there has been some dispute about how the ball got rolling, make no mistake friends, Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster fired the first shot. Straight through eight men. In 1781 he finished what he started by punching another Brit square in the jaw.
In 1861 Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster found himself pitted not against the enemy, but against his own brothers! For four years he battled his way through the South, until finally, in 1865, he made his way into a courthouse in Appomattox and titty-twisted Lee until he surrendered.
This pattern continued for centuries. Wars would start, Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster would pick a side and, inevitably, that side would win. Most say that he finally retired to the moons of Jupiter, leaving a trail of whiskey bottles and women wherever he went. Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster smells another war brewing though, and as always, it’s only a matter of time before he decides which side he wants to win.